you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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