My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
