Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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