I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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