broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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