i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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