im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
