I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
