I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
