Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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