Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
