I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just forgot I was standing up.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
