I look better un-naked...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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