can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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