I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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