my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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