you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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