so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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