i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
