I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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