There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
