The best revenge is premature balding
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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