I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
