I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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