Your tits are I can't wait for
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So squirting runs in the family.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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