i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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