am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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