She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
