Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize