I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
