i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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