Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
