My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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