i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
