I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize