Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
