so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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