wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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