Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
