Define "chronic" masturbator.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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