Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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