We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
