Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
