dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
