I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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