oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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