everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
