Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
