I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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