New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
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I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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