I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
