u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
