Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
