I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
