just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
