Having a random hookup so left but love u
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
