Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
