Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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