Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize