I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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