That's when you crack a 10am beer
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you made out with another girl for some wings
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
