I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
