He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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