it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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