Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
