does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
